creepy crawlies

there's an old pier off of Resurrection Bay where I'd sit when the wind would calm down. oh, I don't know you'd sit and pretend like all your responsibilities and commitments and relationships just melted into the water. cool, clammy, pebbles clinking like glass. across the bay sat mountains that lived and breathed longer than I ever could. unlike myself, their stories would live (link-reveal:"forever")[= "Ancorage was fun." Her legs swung lifeless above the water, teasing the fry, tickling the rippling and sending me to the moon. [[yeah.]]

"What was your favorite part?" [[it was nice to have real food for once.]] [[think it was nice to be around normal people, to be honest.]] [[dunno.]] [[we were only there for a day.]]

"What do you mean, "real food?" We have real food all the time back at home!" [[guess so.]] [[dunno. it's different here. real cooks, not military ones.]]

"Yeah, hey." she scooted up closer to where I could feel her heat. looking me in the eye, I couldn't dare turn her down. "Something on your mind? You seem kind of bummed."

"Hey!" Her words dug through my skin. "They're real cooks, too! I asked. They said they were //trained// to be cooks. Doesn't that count towards something?" [[well, yeah...]] [[it's really not the same.]]

"Sure, dummy. Whatever you say, pal." She smirked, reading my lips. "Maybe one day you'll see like I do." [[what's that mean?]]

"Oh, quit being silly, you. Military chefs are just as awesome as any other. I think you just don't like the idea. And that's mean!" her pout could shatter steel. "Don't you feel mean?" [[not really.]] [[I guess.]]

I couldn't see her eyes. [[no offense.]] [[...]]

"None taken." She sighed, stretching her arms and watching her reflection blend against white peaks on the horizon. "I'd like to pretend to be normal sometimes, you know?" [[yeah, I know. you make me forget.]]

"Is it because I'm a ship?" [[I mean, yeah.]] [[sorry.]]

she looked away, letting the sound of the seagulls swing into motion. I could read her mind. "I try, you know?" [[I know.]]

"Nothing to be sorry about." She let her face soak up the sun. "I'd really hope to try, you know, to be a person." [[what do you mean by that?]]

I couldn't help but smile. she let her fingernails dance against the pier. "Sorry. I'll act more like a ship from here on out." [[what?]] [[give me your best boat impression.]]

“Collision! Oh no! All hands brace for impact!” she proceeded to blast forwards, ramming me into the water. we both fell down, down, down… the splash came in earnest and the cold jolted me back to reality. if only it were more shallow. [[fuck!]] //[[try to scramble onto the pier]]//

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!" she proceeded to try and whistle as though she were some ship's captain. it looked awfully silly and I was so very glad no one was around to hear. but it was nice. she was nice, so unafraid to laugh, and I couldn't fault her for trying to be herself. "Look, I try, okay?" [[and that's what makes you awesome.]]

"Being normal is hard. You need to behave differently and act like you know things like movie references and pop stars. I don't even have access to the internet." her heart was heavy with an emotion I couldn't relate to. but that's alright. she's different, and I'm me, and we're not ever going to be the same. she's not a kid. she's a ship, and that's that. the world was grey. the car was warm. it was time to [[move on]]

"Rent movies, throw slumber parties, go laugh at high school drama... it would be so nice to travel the world without missiles. Or guns. Or killing." [[I know what you mean.]]

"You're a soldier though." she nudged me with her shoulder. [[I am.]] [[doesn't mean I can't feel.]]

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she laughed and laughed and laughed some more. I could feel my lungs swell with frost. "Hooooooonk!" she bleated like an alarm, kicking her feet and gripping me by the shoulders. this wasn't the worst way to die. [[okay. I get it, you got me, we're getting out of here.]]

she laughed until I grabbed her by the arm and hoisted her onto the pier. the wood was rough against my fingers, stiffened by the cold, and I grit my teeth as the chill burned through my bone. grimacing and growling all the way up, I couldn't do much but hate her sense of humor. this wasn't my idea of fun. but she was herself, and she was trying to be stupid, acting her age, acting the way she never was, living and living and breathing some more, so by the time we shivered together, I couldn't help but smile. we didn't have much time. I wasn't willing to freeze into the afternoon. so we went go get warm, out by the car, switching on the heat and running towels through my everything. it sucked. but it was time to [[move on]]

so we rushed back onto the pier and shivered, dripping glacial waters from our hair, shoes and fingertips. we scampered back to the car, where the heat was waiting and the towels caught the cold. the world closed in with the doors slammed shut. she went and laughed some more. there was no way I could stay mad at her. she was just trying to have fun. and I could do nothing but admire that. but I still hated the cold. I hated and hated and hated it. I hated it here. so it was time to [[move on]]

"I liked... well, there was the mall. Then the fur stores, the soda shops-" [[convenience stores.]] //[[let her continue]]//

"Uh, yeah. Those places were so cool. But the buildings and the lights and the cars, so many cars..." [[you want to drive on the way back?]]

"The cars and buildings and people and that museum, well, there were two, but gosh, I wish we could've spent more time at the art museum." [[I could tell.]] [[me too.]]

"Me?" she looked shocked. "I mean, I'd love to try, but I don't think I can." [[you're a ship. what's so different about a car?]]

"Cars are different. They're not me, you know?" [[yeah, yeah.]]

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"Yeah... sorry about making a scene.]] [[it's alright.]] [[you need to know better. that was really embarassing.]]

"Do you think we can go again someday? They do rotating exhibits. And there's so much more to see. We gave each piece like, just five minutes. It's so sad!"

"I make mistakes. It's whatever. Right?" [[you'll make your mistakes.]] [[you'll learn to not make them again.]]

"Hey, I said I was sorry! Oh, boo. You don't got to keep holding that over my head!" [[I know. I just like messing with you.]] [[hey. real talk. don't you think it's time you grew up?]] //[[I opened my mouth to speak and just sat there.]]//

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motionless. left alone with nothing but my thoughts, a part of me buried so long ago shivered, and I couldn't tell, for the life of me, why. she nudged me.

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"I know. Doesn't mean I couldn't enjoy every second of it." she beamed and beat me with those harsh blue eyes. "Remember the mall? I'd never been to a mall before. So many stores, so many people in one place, you know?" [[that mall was like, the smallest, saddest one in the country.]] [[you should see the ones in Los Angeles.]]

"Everything here feels so, well, fresh to me. There's so much I want to see. I really don't mind if it's watered down. I just want to feel it. You know?"

"Could you take me there?" [[someday. you know how it is.]]

"I do." her reflection shimmered. I can still remember her smile.

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she seemed to like that. I didn't complement her often. never did it with a whole heart. it was hard to draw close on a temporary assignment and it was harder to believe she was supposed to be something she wasn't. I shouldn't have been fazed by any of it. I'd seen so much already. when the wind rolled in and the clouds blocked the sun, our time had come, and the car called our name. we went back and listened to footsteps echo off the wood. it was time to [[move on]]

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"Geez. Why are you so hard on them? Be nice!" was she trying to teach me a lesson on being nice? she didn't have the slightest idea on anything, did she? dick. but it's whatever. at the end of the day, she hasn't got a clue as to anything, and that's alright. I don't care. but at the end of the day, it is my job to try to care. so maybe I could afford to be a little nicer. and I guess she has a point. I'm not exactly the nicest person in the world. maybe I should be nicer on the chefs. I never hated their cooking. it just reminded me of all the things I hate about the military. reminded me of how far I am from home.

"I knew you had a conscience. You can take care of it just like you have to with everything else in life, right?" she didn't let me speak. "Like you do with things you love. Though, I think you only care about work. But that's okay! I think it's okay."